NICU Day 36

We've moved to a step down unit! Annie still has a lot to accomplish before going home, but she is well on her way. She is 3lbs. 10 oz. Her cpap is gone and she is in the process of weaning from her vapotherm. An eye exam was performed and all results were totally normal. All good things. Keep up the hard work, Annie!

Merry Christmas!

The song "I'll be home for Christmas" has a whole new meaning to me now. One thing I've learned this year is that home is where my babies are. And while they are in two separate places today, this has to be the most memorable and special Christmas I can remember. It's not the presents (while I got some awesome things!) that made the impression this year, it was seeing my two children and thanking God they are both on this world and healthy.

Looking back, I imagined being big and pregnant this year during the holidays, and soaking up the last Christmas with Owen as an only child. Things didn't end up like that...they turned out even better than I could have ever imagined.

Sure it's not an "ideal" situation to have my brand new baby girl away from me tonight, the night of her first Christmas. However, I sit here typing, and watching my big boy play with his Christmas gifts in the floor. Sure my heart is breaking in two, but I find relief knowing that Annie is tucked safely in her bed at Vanderbilt. I will call (like I do every night) to say hi to her nurse, check on her weight gain, and give myself peace of mind.

It won't be long until I'll be at home watching my big boy play in the floor...with my tiny girl tucked in my arms. Until then, I remind myself that I am blessed beyond measure to have two babies to call my own...to love, to kiss, and to hug. It really is a Merry Christmas.










Daddy holding Annie for this first time on Christmas Day.

NICU Day 32

Goodbye Bubble CPAP!!! That terrible headgear is gone! Vanderbilt protocol is to keep it on until 32 weeks, however Annie had simply outgrown it. While it's only 4 days early (she's 31+3), we have been looking forward to saying goodbye to this machine since they put it on her. Annie is now on Vapo-therm which still provides pressure for her tiny lungs and some oxygen, but it is so much smaller and less invasive. She is stating high and on room air at the moment. One more piece of news... She is up to 3 lbs. 6 oz. WOW! Big girl keeps growing.




Cpap removal!!

NICU Day 27

Annie amazes us again! She gained another ounce last night and is up to 3 lbs. 1 oz. now. Our new goal... 4 pounds!! The way she eats, it may happen soon. She is up to 26 ml feeds, 8 times a day, which is a grand total of 7 ounces! Miss piggy!! We absolutely love watching her grow. Keep it up Annie.





Annie in pink!!

















I got to give Annie a "bath" today. Really it was a wipe down with sterilized water and baby soap but it made my day. Our awesome nurse Becky let me get a few pictures right afterwards. I love seeing her face without her big headgear. She's beautiful.

NICU Day 26

All has been fairly quiet in the Nicu for the past few days. This is a good thing!! Annie is doing great. She is eating 24 ml per feeding and growing like a weed! Drumroll... She reached 3 pounds today! Go Annie! We were told that the cpap machine would come off when she reaches 32 weeks. About a week and a half to go. Fingers crossed that she is ready
When the time comes.

Annie's Birth Story

Where do I begin? The week of Annie's birth was traumatic, amazing, stressful... you name it. There is quite a bit I do not remember clearly. My husband, family, doctors, and nurses were wonderful. I experienced things I was not prepared for. The following post will be long and detailed. The emotions are raw and the details are overwhelming. I know I will look back on this post and read, reread, and relive those few days. One day I will tell Annie about her debut into this world, but for now I will type the story of Annie's birthday…

Tuesday, November 25, 2014-

I go to work as normal. I am swollen and miserable. It is painful to walk, it is painful to sit. I complain to anyone that will listen. I am 26 weeks and 6 days pregnant. I thought to myself several times, "Goodness, if I am this miserable now, what will the next 13 weeks bring?" In my heart I knew something wasn't right. I had gained 17 pounds in just one week. How was that even possible for someone to do? I  mentioned to some coworkers that I had a feeling Annie would come early. By "early" I was thinking a couple of weeks. I had no idea what was in store.


3:15 pm- I had my glucose test and routine appointment with my OB (Dr. Gernt) scheduled for 3:15 pm that day. I left work and arrived at my appointment on time. I did the normal "pee in a cup, stand on the scale, drink this sugar drink". I went to the waiting room to ingest the glucose drink. I was given 5 minutes to do so. I sat down and looked at my phone to start timing myself. Ready, Set, Go. I chugged as quickly as I could. I was close to being finished when a nurse called my name. I looked at my phone, only 3 minutes had passed. I told my nurse that I hadn't been given enough time. She said it was ok, and she took my unfinished drink and escorted me to the exam room. Another nurse (Dr. Gernt's nurse) followed me into the room and told me to sit down. She asked me, "Are you feeling ok?" I immediately knew something was wrong. There was a lump in my throat. I told her I felt very swollen and uncomfortable. She took my blood pressure. It was 190/100. She said Dr. Gernt would be with me in a moment.


It was less than a minute. Dr. Gernt came in and told me that I was very sick. There was a very large amount of protein in my urine and that my kidneys and liver were not functioning properly. She said I needed to go straight to Cookeville Hospital where they would give me a steroid shot for Annie's lungs. "A steroid shot? What does that mean?", I asked. Dr. Gernt (in the nicest and calmest way possible) told me that there was a chance that I would need to deliver Annie soon. Those were the words that changed everything. I was alone. She told me to call Brandon. He answered but I could barely speak. "Get to the hospital" was about all I could get out. He hung up. I stood up, hugged Dr. Gernt, and walked out. What in the world was happening? I got into my car and drove across the street to the hospital. I parked and I called my mom and grandmother. They had Owen and I wanted to make sure he was ok. Brandon pulled in and we walked silently into the hospital. I started shaking uncontrollably. I could barely speak because of the nerves. Brandon's parents (MawMaw and PawPaw) picked Owen up at my grandmother's house and took him back to Nashville. Our incredibly long and emotional journey was about to begin.


4 pm- This is where things started to happen at lighting speed. I was hooked to monitors, poked, stuck, my face was covered and pads were put around me due to a possible seizure. A catheter was put in place. Amnionic fluid tests were done. There was no talking and no lights. Dr. Pippin (who was on call at Cookeville Hospital) came into the room. I heard him say "preeclampsia". They gave me a steroid shot and started a drug called Magnesium which is an anti-seizure, blood pressure, and muscle relaxing medicine. I could feel it coursing through me. It was awful. It was hot. I was dizzy. I asked Dr. Pippin when he though I could go home. (Thinking once my blood pressure was under control I could leave) He said "You aren't leaving the hospital until you deliver this baby. That could be tonight, tomorrow, or 3 weeks from now, but you aren't going anywhere. You are very sick." That was it. The verdict was made. I was stuck. I was told that I would be transported to Vanderbilt Medical Center that night because Cookeville was not equipped to take care of micro preemies. Micro preemies? My heart was breaking, I didn't know if my baby daughter was going to be ok. I could hear her heart beating on the monitor, but for how long?


11pm- The ambulance arrives to transport me to Vandy. I tell my mom, grandmother, and Brandon goodbye. I would see them in a hour or so. The EMT guy that sat in the back with me was very nice. He turned up the music (a little Taylor Swift) and talked to me about everything. I could hear the sirens and see the lights, but he kept me calm. We arrived at Vanderbilt in 45 minutes. I was in a room almost instantly. My support team (mom, grandmother, and Brandon) weren't far behind.


Wednesday, November 26, 2014

12:30 am- The nurses came in and hooked me up to their monitors. I was poked and stuck several more times. I was still dizzy and starting to feel disoriented due to the magnesium drip. A doctor came in and did an ultrasound. I was tired. I was hungry (no eating while on magnesium). I was worried. The doctor said that Annie looked good. The goal was to get me to 30 weeks. (I was 27 weeks) "Babies do a lot better when they are born after 30 weeks". 21 days. I could do that. Annie could stay inside of me, I would be monitored, and I would have extended bed rest. I would miss Owen terribly but he could visit. I started to come to terms with the idea. I fell asleep and so did the rest of my support team (well-as much sleep as they could get).


Early the next morning- Dr. McWheeny came in to assess me. He asked me questions that I can't remember. He drew labs. He began trying to prepare me for a delivery that, in his opinion, was going to happen sooner rather than later. "What about getting to 30 weeks?" Unfortunately my body was getting sicker by the hour. Things were not resolving. I was in and out of consciousness. I remember not being able to open my eyes. I couldn't move. I could only listen. I heard the doctors talking to Brandon, but I couldn't comprehend what was happening.


9am- An ultrasound tech came into do an extensive look at Annie. It lasted for a very long time. She looked at every inch of her. It was determined that she weighed a little more that 2 pounds and was above the 50th percentile for her gestational age. I was told that babies delivered at 27 weeks had a 90% chance of survival. I was told that I was starting to have partial placenta abruption. My body was trying to get rid of this pregnancy. Little did I know, my body was trying to survive. I received another steroid shot to prepare Annie's tiny premature lungs.

The very last ultrasound pic I got of my little girl. 

11am- The doctors were in and out of my room. I was unable to make sense of very much. I do know that at this point Brandon knew that I would be delivering that day. He was told that Annie was ok at the moment. My sickness was not effecting her…yet. However, with every passing minute, I was a ticking time bomb. She would be better off out than in. I would only be "cured" if the baby was delivered. When the official call was made, I'm not sure. I don't think that I was aware of the decision yet. The rest of my family was called (Paulette, Becky, and my dad). I know they rushed to get there because my room was full pretty quickly.

I didn't want to share this picture at first. This is the worst I've ever looked. However, I wanted to remember the severity of the situation, how swollen I was, and how terrible I felt.

1 pm- The doctors came in and surrounded me. I opened my eyes and tried to answer their questions. "How was my vision?" Completely blurry. I was unable to focus on much. I felt like I was in a tunnel. "Did my stomach hurt?" I was feeling ok until they started poking. It was tender. The doctor looked at me and said something that I retained very well. "Caitlin, we are going to have a baby today." I stayed calm. I digested it. The doctors left the room. Silence. I broke down. I was heart broken and I felt so guilty. I was scared. I was scared for my sweet Annie. I was scared for myself. I was scared for our family. I was scared for Brandon and Owen… But this was it- It was Annie's birthday.


2:30 pm- It was time. I said bye to my family. Brandon said he would see me in a few. They wheeled me to the operating room to give me a spinal and prepare me for the procedure. I remember the lights. I remember the spinal injection. I remember feeling sick. I tried to stay awake, but I felt absolutely terrible. This is the worst I hope I ever feel for the rest of my life.

Brandon came in and I woke up. It all happened so fast. I could feel pressure and tugging, I wanted to vomit, I was so scared. Then I heard the doctor say, "Good Morning Annie!" and I heard her tiny cry. They said she was beautiful. They said she was moving and kicking. They said she was ok. I was so relieved. I fell back asleep. I did not see her, however Brandon got to take a few quick pictures. She was tiny, she was gorgeous, she was ours.

Annie's first picture in this world- born at 3:08 pm. 

My tiny 2 pound 5 ounce daughter born at just 27 weeks- 13 weeks early.


One thing is for sure, I will never be the same. This experience taught me how short and unpredictable life is. It showed me the good in people. It showed me what love really is. It doesn't matter what plans we have for ourselves. God is the one in control. 

Annie, While it was not the day that either of us expected, it was a miracle just the same. There were angels watching over both of us. You are a fighter. You are strong. You are my girl. I love you forever.

-Mommy

NICU Day 22

Today Annie is three weeks old and 30 weeks gestational. I remember when I first arrived at the hospital, the night before she was born, the doctors said they were hoping to get me to 30 weeks. Obviously God had other plans. Here we are 3 weeks into this journey. Annie is really doing great. She's gaining weight (currently 2 pounds 12 ounces) and getting bigger and stronger each day. I held her for 90 minutes today with no dips on her monitor!! Woohoo! Our nurse (Mrs. Becky) let me snap a few pictures of Annie without her cpap on today. What a treat to get to see her hair and her face without all of the garb. She even told me I could dress her in her first outfit on Christmas Day. If you know me, you know that this was great news. Preemie Christmas outfit ordered and I can't wait!



Sucking her thumb? I think it was a coincidental placement, but so cute!


No cpap!! Yay!!




Yawn!!


She sleeps with her hands up all the time. She's getting so big!

NICU Day 19 & 20

The new NICU doctor (taking Dr. Plosa's place for the next 2 weeks) rounded earlier today and said that Annie was measuring at 31 weeks gestation (she's 29 + 5). She said "we've got a really big girl here". They said that she couldn't be doing any better than she is. The doctor was very happy with her progress so far. Annie gained 50 grams yesterday and now weighs a whopping 2 lbs. 11 oz.!!!! It won't be long until we have a 3-pounder! She's currently getting 22ml of breast milk at every feeding. (That's about 6 ounces a day). All of her labs came back completely normal as well. I am so proud of how hard she is fighting. Answered prayers!

NICU Day 16-18

Well there isn't a whole lot to report for the past few days. Annie is still inching up in her weight at about 10 grams a day. She is still hanging at 2 lbs 8 oz. The doctors have upped her feeds again to 21 ml and she is still getting the milk fortifier as well. The nurse practitioner says she thinks Annie looks a little pale so they are going to run a few labs to make sure everything is ok. Her sodium levels had been a little low so they are going to check that as well. She has been all over the place with her oxygen levels but this morning she is on room air with high stats. Overall she is doing great!

Dear Annie

Dear Annie,

I sit here in the Vanderbilt NICU (your home for now) day after day and stare in wonder at the miracle of you. Your body is so tiny. I watch as you work so hard to breathe. Your monitors give me comfort and scare me to death all at the same time. My heart jumps every time an alarm sounds. As much as I like looking at your sweet face, I wish you were back inside of me. Safely nestled without the wires and the machines. I trust that God's timing is perfect, but it's hard not to question. Why did this happen to us? I feel guilty that my body didn't provide you what you needed- forced into this world too soon. The doctors are as reassuring as they can be, but the truth is that no one can tell us what our future holds-what victories or struggles lie ahead. However, I am thankful that you are safe and that God is in control. So for now I sit and I watch at the wonder of you, my tiny little miracle girl. I love you sweet Annie.

-Mommy

NICU Day 15

Happy 2 week birthday Annie! Weighing in at 2 lbs 8 oz!!! Big girl is growing like a weed. They had to go up a size on her cpap hat because her head has grown. She had no residual with her last couple of feeds at 17 ml. The doctors are removing her PICC line at 11. Breathing is good right now. Stating at 93 on 24% oxygen. All positive things to report! We are blessed!



If you look closely at her face you can see how much she resembles her big brother. Precious!

NICU Day 14

Annie is now 2 lbs. 6 oz. and 15 1/4 inches long!!! Big jump from yesterday!

Her breathing is still sporadic. She's on 30% oxygen but stating anywhere from 78-98 right now. Respiratory came by and checked her and said her cpap looked ok. The nurse practitioner said it is very normal for babies this premature to be a roller coaster of stats. They probably won't put the ventilator back in unless she is having a bunch of apnea spells- which she isn't at this point.

Oh and on a different note- the nurse said "when I switched her hat earlier it looked like she had red hair like you!" I wish I could see her hair without her cpap hat on. I think it's constantly changing under there. The great hair color mystery!

NICU Day 13 and Diaper Change Video

NICU Day 13-
Annie had another somewhat off day. When she is laying on her back they have to turn her oxygen up to 37%. I held her for an hour today, and she had a few Brady and Apnea spells. (Basically heart rate, O2, and respiratory rate drops) However, when she is laying on her belly she keeps her rates up and she seems as happy as ever. She just wanted to be left alone today. That's ok sister... We all have days like that. Her stats are great at the moment (because she's on her belly). Good news... She is back to birth weight! Her feedings are being upped again to 14 ml. Keep eating and growing Annie!





The diaper change video is uploaded in two separate files.  I'm still a little slow with changing them, but it is getting easier each day. 

NICU Day 11 & 12

NICU Day 11-
Annie had a little bit of an off day today. Her heart rate and breathing rate were accelerated more than normal. The nurse ordered lab work and an X-ray to ensure that there was no sickness or other reason for it. Everything came back normal. She bounced back nicely as the day went on and her rates are back to where they should be. She may have just wanted some extra attention.







Squished face...






NICU Day 12-
Miss Annie has gained some weight! She is now 2lbs 4oz!!! Only one ounce from birth weight. The goal is to have her back to birth weight by 14 days. She is almost there. Grow baby grow! The doctors are discontinuing her lipids (liquid fat). Her feedings are up to 13 ml every 3 hours (around 3 1/2 ounces a day) so she is getting all of the fat she needs from the breast milk. The doctors said they were very pleased with her feeds and weight gain so far. Woohoo!






Her monitors- The top (green) number is heart rate. The middle (white) number is respiratory rate. The bottom (blue) number is her oxygen stat. Easy enough, right?





Annie's home away from home. We call it her "cozy condo". This is also where I spend up to 6 hours each day... So it's kind of my home away from home too.





She loves being on her belly.



Getting bigger each day!

NICU Day 10

Annie had a good night. The night nurse said she shimmied almost completely out of her diaper. Bless her- even the preemie diapers are too big! She lost 10 grams overnight... but we are working on fixing that. She tolerated her 10 ml feeds overnight so the upped her again to 11ml. Hopefully that plus the milk fortifier will give her the extra calories she needs. She is still on 21% oxygen (which is room air) and doing great! I got to hold her again today. That will never get old.
























First Mommy and Annie selfie!

PS- her hair is looking darker everyday.

NICU Day 9

Annie had a good day. They upped her feedings to 10ml because she was taking 8 without any residual. Woohoo!! The plan is to add a milk fortifier to my breast milk to give her some extra calories. Lord knows she could use them! She is on room air (21%) and hanging around 96/97 which is awesome! Best news of all she gained a whole ounce since yesterday. She's 2 pounds 2 ounces now. Almost back to birth weight! Grow, Annie, grow!!







Her daddy says her face looks fuller already.

Sweet Annie

Well it is not "new" news that our sweet Annie girl is here...very early. I plan on sharing her birth story on the blog soon. I am still piecing together the whole ordeal. There is a lot of it in which I was not coherent/conscious. I want to go ahead and start sharing our NICU journey though. Annie has already changed so much in just 7 short days. So before anymore time gets away here we go...

NICU Day 1- Annie was admitted at 27 weeks. She weighed 2 pounds 5 ounces at birth. This day was mostly devoted to breathing. She was placed on a bubble cpap machine to give her oxygen.






This was the first picture taken of our sweet girl.

NICU Day 2- I met her for the first time when she was about 30 hours old. I barely remember it but I do remember I was nervous.
























Ignore the hair and the puffy face...it had been a rough couple of days.

NICU Day 3- The ventilator is placed to help give her some breaths. With her body being so tiny, she was forgetting to take breaths. This machine reminds her. She also got some lung meds to help open her up a bit. She is under her "tanning lights" as well.









This is one of my favorite pictures of her because you can see her fuzzy little head.

NICU Day 4- The ventilator is removed and the bubble cpap is put back in place. She is breathing great. She lost some weight which was to be expected... She now weighs in just under 2 pounds. She's still under her tanning lights but we managed to snap a few pics with them off.














Just relaxing...

NICU Day 5- After some breathing spells, the ventilator is put back into her lungs. Her oxygen levels were just "okay" without it and the doctors wanted to use precaution. She is doing most of the breathing work on her own, but could use the added help. Her feedings are at 3ml but she's not digesting as much as they'd like. A good first poop could really get things going.





Trying to open those eyes.



















NICU Day 6- The doctor gave Annie a little help in the poop department and she had her first "almost" blowout diaper! Yay for poop, right?! Her feedings are upped to 5 ml but she's still not digesting as much as they'd like. Her ventilator was removed again and she is back on the cpap machine. Oxygen levels are a little above regular room air and for the most part she's handling it great. They also took her off the tanning lights for the time being. They said its common to have them removed and then back on. It just depends on her "levels". The biggest news on day 5... I got to hold my sweet Annie for the first time. I was terrified and over-the-moon ecstatic all at the same time. She is so tiny that I barely feel her but I can feel her warmth. Best day ever!


















NICU Day 7- More poop! Whose tired of me using that word?! Haha. She's tolerating her feeds a little more. She is still at 5 ml each feeding. And she gained a whole ounce! She's officially a 2-pounder again! I held her for an hour again today. It was fabulous. Annie is a week old!


NICU Day 8- Annie had a brain ultrasound done to check for any bleeds. Everything came back normal! She even grew an entire centimeter and gained 10 whole grams! Those may be tiny measurements but tiny is a lot when you're so small! Her feedings were upped again to 8 ml and she digested an entire feed with no residual. Yay Annie! I held her for an hour again today. She had a little breathing spell towards the end which completely freaked me out. The nurse said she was just "too comfortable", needless to say she went back into her isolette immediately. It made me nervous. Overall, a great day for Miss Annie!






























Holding mommy's thumb. She may look like a little old wrinkled man, but I think it's the cutest face ever.