To My Owen...

I wrote this letter to Owen during Annie's NICU stay. There was so much guilt associated with leaving him so much. Though times are much better now, I can still feel that residual pain deep down. I wanted to share this before it was lost. Owen never missed a beat during those 78 days, he may not remember how much I was gone or the incredible challenge our family endured, however, I will never forget...


To My Owen,

I want you to know that you are important to me. I still see you even though you may notice my distraction. I'm sorry if I lose my patience easily or I say I'm too tired to play. I'm sorry that when you ask me to come sit with you, I often tell you "just a minute".

I cry for you. My heart aches for you. I know I fail you daily, but I want you to know that I'm trying. I pray you don't remember my absence during this time in our lives. I miss seeing your face in the morning. Instead I wake up early to sneak out to the hospital so I don't have to say goodbye to you- well, because it hurts too much.

I hope you know that you are surrounded by love. You have amazing grandparents and a wonderful daddy that are with you every step of the way when I'm not. Please know this situation is only temporary- even though it seems like an eternity.

I hope you know how happy you make me (even when the skies are gray). I'll be with you soon. Please remember that I am your biggest fan. I hope one day you will read this letter know how important you are and always will be to me. You have my heart.

Love,
Your Mama

Annie- 5 Months Old

So it's been a month… I know how much you've missed us. I kid. I kid. Really though, it's amazing how fast a month flies by these days. Thinking back to our NICU days, a month felt like an eternity. Now I blink and poof there it goes. Our Annie girl is 5 months old. Holy moly! She's as perfect and wonderful as ever!

Here are some things about our sweet girl at 5 months ( 2 months adjusted):

-We go to the doctor this week but my guess is at least 9.5 pounds. I'll update for sure when I find out.

-Girl.Can.Eat. Wowza… she is an endless pit that no amount of milk can fill. Well really about 24 ounces a day fills her but it seems like she is constantly wanting a snack. This is a good thing though! I am so used to dealing with her brother (who, I swear, eats only enough to keep himself from passing out) so it is nice to see her so worked up about food.

-Speaking of getting worked up… Annie can be slightly dramatic. She lets you know if something does not please her- including:
-bath time
-diaper changes
-dress-up sessions
-her car seat
-car rides
-not being held
-wanting a bottle/paci

-Even though she has a list of things that irritate her, she can be the sweetest baby with the biggest smile. A smile that leaves my heart in a big puddle of love.

-She rolled over from her front to back. This is not a consistent skill yet but we are still practicing!

-She is officially in 3 month clothing.

-She has developed a relationship with her brother. Annie loves to watch him play. She focuses on everything he does. Owen has begun to include her as well. He gives her toys (although she doesn't know what to do with it) and plays peek-a-boo with her. Just the other day he tried to carry her. It was a shock to me as well as Annie! I can see the bond forming…SLOWLY but surely.

-She has now been home from the NICU for as long as she was there. Insanity. The time we spent there felt like an eternity. However, it feels like we just brought her home. 78 glorious days this Friday.

Happy 5 months Annie-cakes!