To My Owen...

I wrote this letter to Owen during Annie's NICU stay. There was so much guilt associated with leaving him so much. Though times are much better now, I can still feel that residual pain deep down. I wanted to share this before it was lost. Owen never missed a beat during those 78 days, he may not remember how much I was gone or the incredible challenge our family endured, however, I will never forget...


To My Owen,

I want you to know that you are important to me. I still see you even though you may notice my distraction. I'm sorry if I lose my patience easily or I say I'm too tired to play. I'm sorry that when you ask me to come sit with you, I often tell you "just a minute".

I cry for you. My heart aches for you. I know I fail you daily, but I want you to know that I'm trying. I pray you don't remember my absence during this time in our lives. I miss seeing your face in the morning. Instead I wake up early to sneak out to the hospital so I don't have to say goodbye to you- well, because it hurts too much.

I hope you know that you are surrounded by love. You have amazing grandparents and a wonderful daddy that are with you every step of the way when I'm not. Please know this situation is only temporary- even though it seems like an eternity.

I hope you know how happy you make me (even when the skies are gray). I'll be with you soon. Please remember that I am your biggest fan. I hope one day you will read this letter know how important you are and always will be to me. You have my heart.

Love,
Your Mama